I've finally reached a boiling point on fast food expectations and etiquette. Sure, I might have rose colored glasses but I think its time someone explained not only what to expect at a fast food restaurant, but also how to properly partake in the experience.
I have to start with the biggest annoyance on the planet, multiple ordering through the drive thru. If you can't make it a single order, then go inside. Not only is it a hassle for the poor sap who is ringing up your order,but you are also setting yourself up for disaster when it comes to getting the wrong food. With each additional order placed through the drive thru, your odds of getting something messed up increases exponentially. If you aren't familiar with exponents, then know that its not looking good for you. Its really best to keep things simple.
Also, I don't understand the complaining that goes on when they do get your order wrong, or your burger has onions or whatever asinine request you've made. My stance is this, if you are to lazy to make your own damn meal or are in a hurry on the way to work, you can't really bitch about shit going wrong. Its called fast food for a reason people. McDonald's doesn't have a 5 second time limit on how long you should sit at the window before you get your food thrown at you to ensure accuracy. They are in the business of herding you through in the most efficient manner possible. Its often said you have to crack a few eggs to make an omelet, well the same applies to food. You gotta fuck up a few orders to hurry the line along. Honestly, for how many people that visit a local drive thru each day, I would say the percentage of orders that are messed up is surprisingly low. I may not have any actual evidence backing this up, but I would take my word for it, my gut tells me i'm right.
Monday, February 21, 2011
Tuesday, February 8, 2011
Sexify the Soda Machine.
Soda Machines...
Pretty standard stuff really. You put your crinkled up dollar in, it spits it out a few times, you try to flatten it over the edge of a table and while it does succeed in that manner, you also proceed to turn it into a cocaine straw. When the machine finally accepts the dollar you always find yourself struggling to decide what selection to make. Its as if all logic goes out the window. I don't know about the rest of you, but I consciously make a decision before I walk to the soda machine just! so I don't look like that jackass who stares at the buttons debating myself like its the million dollar question on Who Wants To Be a Millionaire and i'm all out of lifelines. Yet, when the machine finally reads 1.00 I find myself, each and every time, staring at the god damn buttons. I don't know if I think I'm going to trick myself into try something that has < 23 flavors, because it never happens. I'm addicted to that shit.
But don't worry, I have come up with a simple solution for this dilemma. Its the random soda button. Today I proposed to the fine Soda Machine Filler Upper Guy at my local soda machine to ditch the Sprite in favor of a randomized soda selection option. Lets face it, Sprite hasn't been cool since Grant Hill had ankles. And that's not a knock on Grant Hill's ankles, the man is playing like a champ this season, its really a diss on Sprite. The best they've done the past decade is get some free publicity from a fan's fake commercial.
Caution: NSFW (sort of)
I say screw the Sprite and let's step outside the safety circle and just waste a spot in the rotation. Why does every slot have to be a specific drink? I think the worst thing that happens to these machines is they get stale. I think sugar peddlers should take a page out of the fast food playbook and leave a slot open for a monthly promotional beverage. The Random button would be the A-1 Thick & Hearty of the vending machine. It could bring buzz back to a boring business model, and hell, it sure doesn't hurt to try.
Pretty standard stuff really. You put your crinkled up dollar in, it spits it out a few times, you try to flatten it over the edge of a table and while it does succeed in that manner, you also proceed to turn it into a cocaine straw. When the machine finally accepts the dollar you always find yourself struggling to decide what selection to make. Its as if all logic goes out the window. I don't know about the rest of you, but I consciously make a decision before I walk to the soda machine just! so I don't look like that jackass who stares at the buttons debating myself like its the million dollar question on Who Wants To Be a Millionaire and i'm all out of lifelines. Yet, when the machine finally reads 1.00 I find myself, each and every time, staring at the god damn buttons. I don't know if I think I'm going to trick myself into try something that has < 23 flavors, because it never happens. I'm addicted to that shit.
But don't worry, I have come up with a simple solution for this dilemma. Its the random soda button. Today I proposed to the fine Soda Machine Filler Upper Guy at my local soda machine to ditch the Sprite in favor of a randomized soda selection option. Lets face it, Sprite hasn't been cool since Grant Hill had ankles. And that's not a knock on Grant Hill's ankles, the man is playing like a champ this season, its really a diss on Sprite. The best they've done the past decade is get some free publicity from a fan's fake commercial.
Caution: NSFW (sort of)
I say screw the Sprite and let's step outside the safety circle and just waste a spot in the rotation. Why does every slot have to be a specific drink? I think the worst thing that happens to these machines is they get stale. I think sugar peddlers should take a page out of the fast food playbook and leave a slot open for a monthly promotional beverage. The Random button would be the A-1 Thick & Hearty of the vending machine. It could bring buzz back to a boring business model, and hell, it sure doesn't hurt to try.
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