Mmmmm Mucus!

   I've come to be baffled recently as to the occurrence of mucus.  I just don't get it.  How can I blow my nose and clear out my nostril, only to be stuffed up again in less than five minutes.

   I'm sure someone can give me a scientific logical explanation for the sludge factory that was my sinuses this weekend, but I am not interested.  I already know why.

  Mucus Gnomes!

  I swear they are up there, just chilling, waiting to strike at the most inconvenient time.  Like the weekend you were supposed to enjoy the company of friends and play a nice nerdy board game.

  I just picture them as some sort of distant cousin to the dreaded foot fungus fiends from the Lamisil commercials.  As you go to put down your wasted tissue they begin shoveling more mucus into your cavities.  There's just no other explanation.

  Also, how the hell can it just stop when you are full?  Sure you can suffer from the occasional "runny nose", but that's more akin to the slow drip of your bathroom sink.  Its like your immune system is hellbent on making you sound like your economics teacher from college.

  Sure, there are some relief methods out on the market that offer a modicum of help. There is the trusty "Mucus Expectorant", but lets be honest, the only thing you can really expect is to use up all your nice goose down comforter Kleenex, then you are left using your 80 grit paper towels.  All that does is make you hate life every time you blow your nose because you are suffering from facial diaper rash.  I can truthfully say I've never had more homicidal rampage type thoughts than when I suffer from a sore chaffed nose from a cold.

  That's why I always keep a supply of nice tissues at home and work.  Also, since I feel in a generous mood, I would suggest skipping the cheap sugar laced cough suppressants that are littering the market these days and opt for the Sucrets.  Just search for the only Altoid box  in the cough medicine aisle.  I'm fairly confident they use cocaine as a secret ingredient.  The numbness you will experience makes all the anger and crankiness your co-workers have to deal with melt away.  The awesome thing is you only need 2-3 of those a day, instead of the old standard Halloween pillowcase full of the other stuff you have now.

  ........S.